:: bed bugs bite ::

•March 18, 2014 • 2 Comments

I miss writing. I know I am not a good writer. So, if you mix it with my absence in the blogosphere, a huge ten-folds of unattractive writing. Especially to the seasoned and those who mastered the craft of writing, I could hear your loud cringe-filled tones while reading the first paragraph of this online journal post. Obviously, after reading this paragraph, you might as well read something eye-worthy.

Oh, self-deprecation, how I missed you.

Less than a month left before I turn thirty-tree. Man, a lot of things have happened. Marriage, child, improv, breast implants. I am way better than Shoemart, I got it all for you. Not to mention the constant verification of my age. If you ask my age out of nowhere, it’ll take me fifteen seconds to give an answer. Is this really part of the thirty-ish generation?

In all seriousness, it is really hard to write nowadays when time is super important for a fledgling father like me. Yes, I don’t even know what fledgling means, but it sounds good; like eating at Sofitel’s Spiral buffet. You know what, the most time-consuming part of parenthood is putting your child to sleep. I don’t mind aching muscles. I don’t mind non-saliva resistant skin. I just want my child to sleep the way a normal human does.

I know you’d probably give me a bunch-a links on how letting your child sleep peacefully without waking up in the middle of the night and would opt to play Dance Central at 2 in the morning. I actually found a way, to make her sleep, recently but I want something more, more than Vanessa Hudgen’s love for Zac Efron in High School Musical. An appropriate minimum of eight hours of sleep is absolutely a want and needed.

Again, I miss writing. This is just some random ramblings I want to remember.

Bea, dowter, I shall make bawi when I get old. I hope you have the same patience for your dear old daddy.

I love you.

:: pangit na pelikula ::

•January 3, 2014 • Leave a Comment

Gusto ko lang naman malaman kung bakit sa panahon ngayon, sa taong 2014, ang issue pa rin ng mga pelikula ay kadalasang nauuwi sa mundo ng MMDA. Sorry, hindi ko talaga maintindihan hanggang ngayon kung bakit ang laki ng kebs ng tao sa isang festival na alam naman ng lahat na isang money-making scheme lang. Na ilang pelikula na ba ang laging nagsasabi na proud sila sa pelikula nila dahil naging blockbuster ito sa takilya. Blockbuster meaning kumita ng limpak-limpak. Pera na nanggaling sa mga 13th month pay usually ng empleyado.

Pero bakit ganoon? Eh may nagbabago na rin naman hindi ba. Kaya nga nagkaroon na ng New Wave sa MMFF para ma-cater sa mga nagrereklamo na nakakasuya na raw ang mainstream appeal ng MMFF. Kasama na rin na isa na lang ang sequel sa nakaraang taon, ang Kimy Dora (nag nag-iinarte rin, pero makakarating tayo doon, don’t worry). Wala namang enteng. Wala namang tanging ina. Wala namang panday. Wala namang SRR. Pero nasisisi ngayon lahat sa My Little Bossings. Akala ko ba may katalinuhang diskurso na sa mundo ng pelikula sa ilang mga grupo-grupo na umiikot ngayon sa Internet? Ilan ba ang pinalabas noong MMFF? Labing-tatlong pelikula. Eh bakit sa lahat ng panonoorin ninyo, My Little Bossings pa. Tapos magrereklamo kayo na panget siya.

Eh baka ikaw ang problema?

10,000 Hours; Girl, Boy, Bakla, Tomboy; Kimmy Dora: Ang Kiyemeng Prequel; Pagpag; Kaleidoscope World; Pedro Calungsod: Batang Martir; Boy Golden; Island Dreams; Saka-saka; Ang Maestra; Dukit; at Mga Anino Ng Kahapon. Ayan, nilista ko na ang ibang pelikula na kasama sa MMFF. Alam ko na pamilyar kayo sa iba. Syempre malakas ang hatak pa rin ni Vice Ganda. At nakalikom ang 10,000 hours nang pagkarami-raming mga awards na pinarangal ng isang grupong nagtra-trapik sa edsa. So, Kimy Dora, ano ang drama mo? Eh ano ngayon kung na-snub kayo? Eh balita ko, may alanganing punchline daw kayo sa pelikula tapos mage-expect kayo na makakuha ng award? Sa tingin n’yo ba basis nila talaga ang mga tunay na artistic at technical aspects ng isang pelikula? Ang mas sisilipin pa nila, kung nag-swerving kayo sa commonwealth.

Pero hindi po kaso ang swerving. Pauso lang po ng mga gustong mag-lunch niyan.

At don’t tell me na hanggang ngayon, ang dating pa rin ng mga pelikulang Pinoy ay pangit ng dahil sa My Little Bossings. Alam ko napanood ko ang Mga Anino Ng Kahapon kaya alam ko na nagkakamali ka. Alam ko rin na ang basis mo ng maganda ay mga “blockbuster” films na punong-puno ng CGI at effects na hindi naman talaga natin kayang pag-interesan dahil matalino ang mga Pinoy, lalo na ang mga nasa industriya ng pelikula. Kaya nga punong-puno tayo ng mga festivals ngayon. At kung gusto mo nang CGI at effects, baka makatulong diyan si Napoles na kaibigan ni pogi este ni panday.

Isama ko na rin na pag sinabi mo na panget ang buong MMFF, sabihin mo muna sa akin kung naka-ilang Brocka, De Leon, Bernal, at O’hara ka na. At hindi lang tuwing Pasko nagkakaroon ng pelikula ang mga Pinoy. Buong taon po. Ang alam ko lang naman na nagreklamo ngayon ay mga fans ng The Hobbit.

Pagpahingahin na siguro natin ang walang kamatayang pangit ang MMFF. May labing-isang buwan na punong-puno ng mga pelikulang nanggagaling sa Star Cinema, Viva, Cinemalaya, Cinemanila, at iba pang mga Pinoy festivals. At lagi na lang tayong naghahanap ng automatic hit at automatic na maganda. Eh sa tingin mo ba maganda lahat ng napanood mo na? Hindi mo naman siguro masasabi na maganda ang isang pelikula kung hindi ka rin nakapanood ng pangit.

At nagrereklamo sa 220 pesos pero willing mag-starbucks, mag-J. Co, at mag-Vikings.

Eh baka ikaw nga ang problema?

:: mass and coat ::

•January 1, 2014 • Leave a Comment

So, we (meaning #switchimprov) have been extra-engrossed with the training of ourselves in terms of being a good, or even better, improv group.

Yes, I have been busy as an improv actor lately. And I have missed a lot of improv stories to tell. But don’t worry, I plan to write more this year. Hoping to share as much love, joy, and passion to the art. It was and it is an ongoing beautiful experience. I never thought I could take part in something that is related to theater arts.

Now, lucky for us, one of our members took theater way back in high school and we actually managed, and finally, to use her experiences. One of which is to create a story in under two minutes, or was it a minute, time. There is one rule: you write everything on top of your head.

Since reading personal blogs is rarity nowadays, here are my stories:

1. Inspiration: Importance

- Importante ang malamig na yelo, kahit saan kayo pumunta. Pustahan, ano ang una’ng kinasasama ng loob ninyo oras na matikman ninyo ang maligamgam na tubig galing sa isang high-fallutin’ na resto? ‘di ba? Kailangan mo pang mag-request sa waiter minsan ng ice. Dahil ang ordinaryong tubig kahit saan mayroon. Level-up nga ito hindi ba. Don’t get me started with beer. Who the fuck drinks hot beer? Ang gago lang hindi ba.

(the story is bitin coz the person who wrote it came in late)

2. Inspiration: Mascot

- The mascot wanted a pear tree for his birthday party. But the mascot was terrified with the land realtors hoping they would have their hearts melted and to at least return all the land titles back to the mascot people.

The mascot started to cry his heart out. And with a chamba of a news team, they saw the mascot and the bigwigs. Mano-a-mano: mascot is crying and the bigwigs are laughing.

Media picked-up the scene. Within minutes, people started to pick-up what is happening. Nagkaroon na ng massive help to the mascot; tho the point na nag-change of heart na ang mga bigwig.

Hindi maintindihan ng mga tao on why the mascot is still crying. Mascot was crying happy tears na pala, and he was dying of cancer.

(pasensya na sa ugly grammar. words under pressure lang peg kasi)

:: Top11: Hey Baby ::

•December 18, 2013 • 2 Comments

Please indulge my current “hobby”. No, it’s not about writing. It’s this thing called Parenting. (I am keeping it short this time. sarreh.)

Oh, I salute all the parents out there who do real parenting.

And with that, this idea instantly entered my mind, last night, when I wanted to eat Dunkin Donuts’ Quezo Duo (no idea why I wrote this). I know DD is closed already. So, I proceeded with the writing instead.

11 Things. You’d Truly Develop If You Become A Parent.

1. Anti-Somnambulism – Especially if you’re too scared to get help from the baby care business. 3 to 4 hours sleep daily, baby.

2. Incoherent Clown cum Trying Hard Stand-up Comedian – You’d probably try everything just to make your baby happy, or at least de-stress him / her from her sudden bursts of sadness.

3. Secretary of the Scariest Boss in the Universe – Just because you have to multitask a lot of things. This one is actually connected with the next item…

4. Hopped Up on Steroids – Oh, you know. You must lift your baby using one arm while preparing her food.

5. Poso Negro Extractor – Baby poo is poo. If you enjoy the smell of baby poo, come and drop by our house, I’d give you bags worth of it.

6. Feelingerang Froglette – You have to assume a lot of things including the baby’s clothes, food, and what-not. Like if you didn’t bring the baby and you need to buy new clothes.

7. Sound Engineer – A baby has different types of crying. So, it’s up to you, the parent, to differentiate why he / she is crying. He / she is probably hungry, sleepy, or he / she doesn’t like your face. Hey, it happens.

8. Mountaineer – No, you cannot go out of the house without the baby’s food, clothes, extra clothes, extra-extra clothes, diaper, bib, extra money, baby bottles, sling, etc.

9. Your History Teacher – I suppose every time your history teacher talks; you’d get this wonderful feeling of dropping everything and the urge to visit the Sandman.

10. Hufflepuff Student (what? But ya can’t develop this!) – For people who value patience.

11. Mathematician skillshizznit – Math has absolute value. Absolute means unconditional. Unconditional is love. Bow.

:: the unfixable Globe ::

•December 13, 2013 • 2 Comments

I remember when I had my first, and probably the real and only, spat with Globe. It was the week after we, my wife and I, were held up inside a public utility vehicle. To make it as simple as shit; these goons took our phones and I had to inform Globe that I need to cancel the subscription (first) and then re-applied the same number.

It happened to me twice before and it used to have the simplest process ever. You just have to go to the nearest Globe Hub and bring a letter on what had happened and they’ll do the rest. And usually, after two to three days, you’re connected cellular-ly. With that kind of confidence, you know that the future wouldn’t give you that much trouble as it is already, and supposedly, part of their system.

So, imagine my distrust and distaste, after acquiring the new sim with the same number, it took them almost seven to ten days to reconnect me back to their system. I had to go back to the Globe Hub in The Podium to verify. And obviously, they sweet talked me into it. That everything would be absolutely fine after a day or two. And all those shitty promises that they’ve mastered through the years. To make matters worse, a super-typhoon came and waist-deep flood waved hell-o in our area. Oh goody. I had to use my mom’s Smart number just to inform every one of our dilemma.

And that is why with the recent “issue” about Globe, I won’t be surprised if it gets worse, year after year. You’d definitely feel the love lost between this multimillion industry and its subscribers.

I got this link reply in FB, about Globe’s so-called “we are not doing these on purpose” shit. Oh, I did not ask permission from the poster but I still assume that once you publicize your thoughts, it is as good for public consumption:

From Cherry Uy-Gotamco:

Forgive me for being too sensitive, but napipikon ako and i’m really affected by those who are too quick to come to conclusions that Globe is “unethical” and is doing this on purpose. And no, this is not an authorized post from my employer. It’s just the rantings of an individual who has been working VERY hard around this huge problem brought about by our system upgrade. And one who has been trying to be a superwoman helping her friends one at a time address their numerous billing issues, even though that’s not really my job. Sa totoo lang, nakakapagod.

But first, exorbitant data roaming charges, have nothing really to do with the system upgrade. (I’ll come to that later.) these are the charges being billed by our international telco partners. Subscriber forgets to turn off data roaming, International telco bills us, so we in turn bill the subscribers. But obviously, when it’s exorbitantly high – whether it’s 60,000 or 3million pesos, it CAN be negotiated. As long as the internet was not used knowingly or on purpose. Obviously, no one can afford to pay 3m!!! And obviously, we would have adjusted it because we’d rather keep our subscribers with us than let him be an unwilling delinquent – even though it means losses for us because we still have to pay the intl telco partner he connected to abroad. And NOT because the subscriber did a press release on it.

About the other billing issues, yes, we recently did a system upgrade and admittedly since then, everything seems to have gone wrong. Yes, we owe our subscribers a huge apology for such bad experience. But i just think it’s unfair that people are assuming we as a company are doing this on purpose. Especially because employees like me are working our @$$es off fixing problems left and right because of the upgrade.

I’m not one to count favors, but to all my friends whom i’ve helped iron out a billing issue in one way or another – and trust me, there have been A LOT, i just hope you help explain our situation as best you can rather than join in on the rants.

One thing I noticed that she failed to mention, as far as I can remember Postpaid numbers have this thing called Credit Limit. Simply put, it is simply flagged every time your Globe moolerz go over the supposed limit. Hey, correct me if I am wrong though.

As a programmer, things like these are easy to process. You probably just need five or ten lines of programmer data and voila, everything is supposedly fixed. Much more with the endless problems that Globe is experiencing. Things like signal problems are much easier to understand because hardware upgrades costs more; though please don’t PR things like you guys upgraded your stuff in our area. Just because SSS or Still Same Shit.

But seriously, messed up billing details? This is the second time I heard this type of problem. A friend was also billed six-digits in her account. Yes, you can always go to the nearest Globe Hub and fix this shit but wouldn’t it be easier if these things DID NOT happen at all?

Much more that the lady employee above is telling everyone that she had helped lots of people already, how about those people who have no connection with Globe? Think about it.

It sucks that even our so-called NTC can’t control the situation. If Globe has been penalized, things like these would be closer to nil.

:: ’tis gloomy month ::

•December 10, 2013 • Leave a Comment

You know the sad realization wherein you play zombie-enduced Facebook games; and the moment your chocolate happy level go low in your system, you will finally stop with the said shit. Then, you would want to just go back in time and create a new paradox hoping you could reuse all the wasted bandwidth and time.

But could you actually blame people in finding catharsis in the Internet?

I think it is time to look for good video games. The ones where there is closure.

I did tell myself a few months ago that I would pursue with The Longest Journey, as I have installed it in my computer already. Much more, when I constantly see my arrrr copy of NBA 2K13. Nag-2K14 na, hindi ko pa rin siya nalalaro.

I suppose it is perfect to start with video games or any other hobbies in particular just because I am not feeling good lately. I think my body is giving up plus work has become a barren wasteland. It used to be my second home. A majority of people who I like left already. I cannot really say that I do not know how to fit in new groups as I have actually have a new family, yes Switch that is you. I guess the environment in the office is really changing. Or I am just getting old for my peers.

Switching back to kebs mode is all I have now.

Maybe I just need some hug. Great ol’ Scrooge is singing supercalifragilisticexpialidocious with me, and I need to turn it around. Pronto.

———–

I miss writing. I seriously do. I need to bring back the glory of this online journal.

Chos.

:: rivalry, buhay pa ::

•September 1, 2013 • Leave a Comment

Hello, I am Jay-r, or Targrod in the virtual world, or Keanu Reeves according to my imaginary friend, Seekeenabudobongbong (ha ha ha).

I think I am back. I think.

But please don’t expect me to update this online journal daily as I am working for the CIA. And don’t tell anyone ha, it’s our big secret.

Siriusly though, after I got married last March, and my last update for this website was way back in April (and yes, I know you can easily search or see it but in this day and age, every little thing must be dumb down to all yo netizens), I actually had a child coming out of my vajayjay (yes, I did say the V word) last June. And also became busy with theater sports or improv comedy.

Believe it or not, we had gigs in Boni High Street, last July and August. I will talk more about this in the future, probably.

Now, the real reason on why I am back is something of social importance. I just can’t keep it anymore. No, it’s not the PDAF scam, Napoles shizznit, break-up of Claudine and Raymart, break-up of Sunshine and Buboy, break-up of Billy and Nikki, reinvention of Whoops Kirri, Miley Cyrus and twerking, N’SYNC’s brief appearance at the VMA 2013, nor Derek and Christine’s romance. It is something deep in my gut.

The Ateneo – La Salle rivalry.

What the flying Fuck? Really?

But it’s true. You have to accept the fact, that people were actually watching, and fully aware of, this match-up ever since cars were smashed in the sixties. As my mom would always say that you dare not don the ADMU or DLSU sticker on you vehicle or you’d be spending your way home in a vehicle that looks worse than a kuliglig. Ever since the two universities transferred to the UAAP, news about the two started to dwindle. La Salle was really successful in the nineties, especially at the latter part of the decade (and this writer was mostly present in those games). Everything changed when Studio 23 acquired the TV rights of the league, it went mainstream. And it was hella evident when ADMU and DLSU had their matches in the Final Four / Finals. Everyone wanted to grab a piece of cake. Tickets were scarce back then. And these fucking scalpers, well, they are all a bunch of fuck-farts.

Now, if you’re a Lasallian or an Atenean, you are fully aware of what usually happens in an ADMU – DLSU game. Tradition states that you can say ugly things to the other school as long as it is the scope of the basketball game. You can also hurl insults in the form of the school’s alumni or the academic perception that that school produces unintelligent individuals. Tasteless and crass actions are allowed too; like using a rubber chicken as part of the school cheer during half-time or unnecessary use of a bonfire during a victory party. And of course, personalities, in and out of the basketball court, are allowed to show their antics too. Cardona, Gonzales, Webb, or Villanueva – both sides had their fare share of creating memories for the two schools. Much more, of course, to the fans who create picture perfect-sque images, worthy of memes.

Seriously, we thrive for those innuendos. It makes the matches lovable and livable. People say that these supposed smart and intelligent alumni of these schools are worse than the most unintelligent voters of this country but I would say it otherwise. It is the passion and the fire burning of our love for our precious alma maters. It also provides us the biggest nostalgia that there came a time when we had to consider hooliganism to enjoy a basketball game. Come on, we’ve actually seen worse, but shit like this is easily highlighted, and easily enjoyed by everyone. Just because it’s fun to watch two fighting “cono’s”.

So, I find it really amusing that it was the fault of the La Salle crowd when Bo Perasol wrecked havoc during and after the basketball game. This guy came from U.P. The extreme passion of both schools are clearly evident but it’s definitely controlled. Gloating is always part of an ADMU – DLSU game. Egos are splashing and you can always check history and both sides have done it already. They insult one another to the highest level.

I won’t say that Perasol was right or wrong with his actions. I am just saying that these two schools are really like this during these matches. It might take a miracle (or probably as simple as a president’s death) for them to change and have a squeaky-clean experience. And that’s why familiarity helps in a situation.

Welcome to our world, Coach Bo.

And at the end of the day (or in this case, a UAAP season), Atenean and Lasallian office-mates would go out for a drink and enjoy life as if nothing shitty happened. Waiting for the next year to arm up and ready their balls to a new UAAP season.

(also, correct me if I am wrong, baka may atenean or lasallian blood itong si Perasol. i am oh so lazy to search google. so, sue me.)

 
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