I just love buying dvd’s. Whenever I’m lonely I buy this crap. The only advantage o it is that it won’t create any fires in the house (as opposed to my comic and magazine days). If girls have a habit of shopping for any girl stuff then this is my guy stuff. I know it’s pathetic (walang pakialamanan, kanya-kanyang trip lang yan sa buhay. Sabi nyan nung kaofficemate na bumili ng cellphone kasi nasira nya yung isa nyang cellphone na binili ngayon taon. And as if you’re not interested with what I’m saying. Sapakan na lang.)
Now, these dvd “sellers” are just like your ordinary “seller”. Their job requires an additional skill that is good memory (as guys are really fond of eating peanuts… err… that’s my last sleazy hirit for today.)
You can always ask the latest series or movies from them. Ranging from Korean movies to really bad, stinking movies such as the fourth installment of Indiana Jones (I’m still hurting here.) BUT if you asked them surprise titles like, ‘meron po ba kayo nung Ang Pasador ni Inday or Scorpio Nights 3: Ang Paghinga lang ang Pahinga’ then they might do an abrupt ‘errr’ and probably tell you, ‘sa Quiapo po ang mga Tagalog’ (and I thought you’re finished with your sleazy business?)
And there’s a hush-hush regarding Tagalog and porn titles where they are only sold in certain areas in Manila (at tama naman yun. Kawawa na ang Pinoy cinema and we don’t have any places for porn. Hahaha. Ang mag-react kuto ni Mahal.)
I remember during college that these porn sellers are really everywhere in Quiapo. (As in, dyosko, buti may kosensya pa kayo.) I mean standard porn is understandably understandable but with the genres that they provide such as man-to-man, bestiality (man and animal), and herbiviolity (man and plant, ooohhh… I just made this up… hahaha) is just plain sick… err… all porn are sick (uyyy… ang mag-react talaga pimple ni Madam Auring.)
Bootleg (I really don’t prefer calling them pirated) films can’t really be stopped. I once spotted an article in Imdb that ‘pirated sites’ (those sites that provide torrent files) can easily beat the running blockbuster for the week. (so, is it possible in the future that they can provide us with ESP’ed movies like the 40th Bond film in 2010? Abangan… though I didn’t really understand what i’m trying to say here.)
So, there are different types of dvd ‘sellers’ (actually, pare-pareho lang naman ang mga nagbebenta… pero keber na din naman debah.)
The Superstitious – Once you pay them, they usually will make-pagpag the money over their goods. It’s like pampabuenas for them; I swear if they can create money shaped as fans, they’d probably use it over and over.
Mr./Ms. Congeniality – You’ll instantly feel that you knew them from some far far galaxy. You’ll really feel welcome that you just have to buy something from their goods (or else mahihiya ka talaga.) Once they get promoted, you’d probably see them in Megamall (yung mga humaharang sa inyo sa daan, credit card or pre-needs anyone?)
The Hunter – You ask for a title, they’ll look for it in their existing goods. If they can’t find it they’ll disapparate for a few minutes and apparate again with the title that you’re looking for. And they didn’t even study O.W.L.s for that one.
Mr./Ms. Patintero – They are the over-acting Mr./Ms. Congeniality. You have to talk to them since they won’t stop their pester powers in buying their goods even if you’ve seen the movie already. For me, I always say, ‘napanood ko na yan.’… and they’ll let me go… just like a redundant employee.
Change-the-what? – It is ten in the morning and you’re the first person to buy from them. You have 500 bucks and you only need to buy one title, probably a 50-peso dvd. Once they see your money, they’ll say, ‘Pili pa po kayo, Buena mano e.’ And you just can’t tell them the usual things you say in a department store. Crap…
The Schemer – I hate this type of person. You’ll say, ‘Hey, I need this… I need that.’ And you’ll see the cover of the titles so you’d assume that that is the movie that you bought. You go home and start to watch that movie. You know you’re going to watch Daniel Craig and instead see Lindsay Lohan with her stellar performance in I Know Who Killed Me. And the funny thing is you bought that from the place you know it will take effort so you decide to keep the DVD instead.
The Minor-schemer – I forgot the Latin term for this but once you buy something and it’s working, it is considered sold as long as it’s not fencing (oo, yung sport ni Richard Gomez). So, you asked for that latest High School Musical or Twilight movie and ask, ‘Dvd copy na po ba to?’ They’ll probably answer ‘Blu-ray na po yan. Ayan po o. Nasa cover.’ Since you’re an idiot, you go home and watch the movie. Oh yes, that’s the movie you bought but you weren’t expecting inserts of heads of people who’re watching in the theater. (at least may special features yung nabili mo.)
Porn-star – They’ve come scarce. And who cares. Right?
The dvd channel… boo.