:: Top11: Physical Exam ::

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I will always hate physical exams especially if you are taking drugs and you had a bad experience with the results before. Imagine, the initial findings told me that I have an irregular heart rhythm. I had to go to a heart doctor to ask for a second opinion. They were wrong, it was Marfan’s Syndrome all along (yes, this is true).

And it is always a sight for me to see an office-mate’s reaction on blood extraction.

Hindi na ko nag-iisa.

11 Things. Why the Annual Physical Exam is scary.

1. The blood extract hurts more than your greatest break-up.

2. There is a small percentage where the x-ray goes wonky and you’d get fried in the process.

3. Urine sample is definitely scary since you have to open the bathroom door while doing number one. There is a chance of a bird-grab and you cannot fight back. Well, you can pee on him / her. But still, you lost a life point due to that grab move.

4. Your drug test is erroneously positive and you are in fear of your life since the NBI might get you for drug use. You are actually under surveillance at this instant.

5. You are not sure if the blood sample goes to the trash after it has been used. What is cloning?

6. A misinterpreted ECG test would tell you that you’re dying. In 5, 4, 3, 2…

7. The nurse who takes the blood extract is probably a homicidal maniac or has problems with her / his psychiatry. You’re not sure if he / she is going to stab you with those needles.

8. Those are not x-rays my dear; those are hidden cameras for the TV show, Girls Gone Wild and Candid Camera (how recent).

9. A very long juicy and tasty worm might come out of your fecalysis sample. Yuck.

10. Your physical exam is just a way for your employer to verify your beautiful body statistics. What you do not know is that they are running a shady sex slavery and you’re actually applying for it. And you don’t even know it (know it know it).

11. The doctor who is checking you up, for physical exam, is an ex you left years ago with another woman. And she tells you to dress down because she needs you to undergo the ‘annual genital exam’. And she’s also holding a scalpel while she’s checking you, I wonder why.

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~ by targrod on June 7, 2012.

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