i.m.prov 1. self-check.

•May 25, 2015 • Leave a Comment

the big fish in the sea comes in many shapes, sounds, colors, and sizes enamored by the possible distribution to the perfect consumptionist worthy of origin or also, a plain survivor. as the survivor takes the worst percentage of the pie, he deactivates his social media and opts to enjoy the plain but sumptuous treat provided by the higher being. it may not be much but at the end of the day, it is better than nothing.

in reality, we think of the first and actually is the latter. we can always set it to the dreaded gray area but we end up with the bookends. given the chance to take the latter, as much as i would want to take what was provided, i have the choice to add a few more bites. though sometimes there are people happy enough to take the tiniest bite worthy of an astronaut meal. yes, an astronaut meal ready to get sucked in the black hole that goes through a worm hole and provides the worst time space dimension that one can even extend to: Sam Raimi’s Army Of Darkness’ last scene where Ash ends up alone.

i have to admit that improv philosophy is one hell of a herculean task especially to the unwilling. even if everything is handed, given, and provided, it usually emits the most dangerous proportions of what the ID could handle. it’s the decades worth of survival versus the am i happy fraction. and it eventually kick the nuts of the good vibe improv majority wherein chances are always offered to the point where the true reality kicks in. that people can be unknowingly selfish in the world of improv and if self-awareness kicks in, a dangerous tool to use albeit mostly successful initially, a probable word war three is taken into account unless defcon 5 releases its alarms to warn and hopefully contained and creates an action plan after.

of course, the greater scale is filled with everything that we-must-not-name. politicians taking the money of the people, security guards power-tripping, and even blue-collar restaurant workers donning the usual cat-and-mouse routine. reality is a vicious cycle yet the optimism is the lonely voice trying to start its own people power. and just like what i said earlier, a lonely voice is better than nothing. if handled and supported properly, it may be the right action plan throught the eye of a needle. it is plain sucky yet extremely satisfying if ends up a success.

i actually posted something like this on twitter a while back, that we are fierce creatures designed to throw all self-awareness through the window. a sad plight indeed.


:: world tb day ::

•March 23, 2015 • Leave a Comment


:: bottom dollar baby ::

•March 23, 2015 • Leave a Comment

Two hours in and I am not ecstatic to touch, hear, feel, and see the raucous two-colored programming language of the old and still running strong. I am fighting a losing bout. I am still there but I am ready to give up. No, I am still fighting and I have a feeling that I am losing but as you can see, I am still here, trying to mend with this ugly Gemini. It’s not easy. It’s never easy.

I know something is wrong in me, within me, and inside of me. But I need to brush it aside as I need to be the building block, foundation even, of the people around me. The fighter in me says I still can while the ultra-sensitive delicate me wants to just stay there, sit, act dunce, and play dead. Acceptance of such is actually ultimately hard. I knew it was hard and again, I am still fighting it. It’s not easy. It’s never easy.

Maybe, I just miss the old me: carefree, stupid, naive, joker, and willing to move on whatever shit is thrown at him. Nope. Not gonna happen. Adult life is different. It’s very tricky. It’s very suicidal actually. It’s the shit. It is one great fuck, both good and bad. I’m not even sure if the fluids inside are just acting up. BUT I have this feeling as of recent. I try to shy away. I try to move on. I even packed excess baggage. I do not know which one, and which are not working. I am a mess. It’s not easy. It’s never easy.

Sulking doesn’t work. Moping doesn’t work. As said, I really do not know what is happening but I am regularly upset and angry. I hope it’s okay to walk miles. I hope it’s okay to still do improv. I am trying to work these things on my own. I don’t want to be a burden to other people. I’d rather hear their stories, their problems, their life. It’s fairly different nowadays. I actually can’t do those things. If I refocus my energy to make it lovelier, I would. Or maybe, just maybe, I should write more. I need to stop the senseless Facebook games and continue with music, books, and the cinema. Spend more fabulous time with my family. I think that’s the solution. It’s not easy. It’s never easy.

Dear Jay-r, accept what is happening. Do not be extra-sensitive about everything. It’s not about you, maybe sometimes. But it’s not always about you. You are turning 34 and you need to rebuild your life to a better tomorrow. Tomorrow is really near. 25 years is no joke. You need to accomplish more. You need to travel more. You need to laugh more. You need to listen to more indie music. You need to watch more films. You need to read more books. You need to rekindle your life with your friends even if you can’t connect with them physically. You need to improve your improv and spend beautiful time with these extraordinary people. You need to spend more time with your super lovely wife. You need to teach your child and love her selflessly.

This is the first time I have to shout, in a really long time, of what I am currently feeling. Writing really helps.

:: Constant Change ::

•November 26, 2014 • 1 Comment

As we go deeper into the year, we get to make Jose Mari Chan’s tongue bleed with joyful agony. I guess it is with the season where people are playing his Christmas standards. It has cemented its rights as part of the upcoming tradition and it has managed to rub elbows with the likes of the usual White Christmas and Silent Night.

Much more when I remember his song, Constant Change.

Yep, I have been cheating with this simple statement. Change should happen soon. I lost people in the process although I saw people who are still there; ready to go with me through the distance. And I should start with the change. The Improv Anito is probably angry by now. Why am I stuck with everything horizontal? I should go vertical. Vertical is the only way for good tidings, right conduct, and good moral habits. =)

I guess it is part of this so-called life and growing up. People may misconstrue the true you or even see you as a Sith Lord. I suppose it’s okay. To shake things up and you can’t really please everyone. It’s a known fact. It’s a universal agreement.

I have been here before and luckily, now, I can actually roll with it.

Take out the all pleasing personality but retain the corteousness. People changed because something happened and it doesn’t mean that they deserve hate. This is a new millenia and people should start meeting at the middle. It hurts, of course. I would be lying if everything is a-okay. But, as said, I know I can work it out on my own. Much more, with the goodness of the people around me. Take those things to amplify and heal what needs to be healed.

But do not forget. We love memory loss. We do. But we’ll all go Gondry and that’ll make me stupid.

:: dat water challenj ::

•August 25, 2014 • 3 Comments

The ALS Bucket Challenge and why such is a not so appropriate activity to us Filipinos… and to the rest of the other third world countries too.

This may come as a very hater-ish post. I get it, but hear me out first.

You see, there are a lot of factors on why it’s really icky to do the ALS challenge here in our country. Of course, I am not going to say that the challenge is one of those Internet shizznit zooming by unsuspecting people attracted to the me generation. As of August 25, the ice bucket challenge has reached 79.7 million dollars. That is a big jump from the measly 2.5 million dollars they got from last year, from July 29 to August 5.

In short, it’s a freaking success!

People are informed of the Lou Gehrig disease; much more with money that can be used for research and probably the daily help to those who have the ALS.

I have to admit, I was kind of excited to expect a nomination from a friend or a colleague. It is somehow selfish. But come on, the gig is exciting. You get to pour a bucket of ice over your head and you get to donate. That’s two birds with one stone plus you get to do what the billionaires worldwide experienced and shown globally.

Shared experience with Oprah, Zuckerberg, and Misha Collins, yo!

And it happened, a friend nominated me to do it. I readied the ice and all. Then, I just slept, woke up, and opt out.

I didn’t announce it. Hoping people would just forget that I actually commented that I was planning to do it.

And it hit me; Is this challenge really feasible to us Filipinos?

Apart of course, that it is somehow useless in a tropical country. You are just cheating. There is no challenge in pouring ice-cold water under the scorching heat. Yes, you can do it at night and then, you’d remember that there is a looming El Nino next year.

Us Filipinos are a helpful bunch too. Remember Yolanda? Yep. Almost everyone lent a helping hand. WITHOUT ANY CHALLENGE(S). We just donated.

I’m also bringing up the needs of our country. We have lots of problems here already and yet we would donate our resources to a first world country. Yes, we would help them. Yes, ALS might hit our country too. But our country needs help too. Right? 10 dollars or even 100 dollars are no joke, guys.

How about we alleviate hunger and shelter in our country first before zooming in to other things?

I can also see people do this without the mention or the understanding on why it was created. If you are a friend and you did this already, I hope you just donate the moolerz locally. We have agencies and non-government organizations who are in need too.

Roundup Philippines: A country that has it all

•July 1, 2014 • Leave a Comment


El Nido-Nacpan Beach-PhilippinesIt’s been a quiet some time now since I have traveled the Philippines but I never got to write my final roundup. Recently thinking about it, I wasn’t even sure if I should write it at all since it has been so long ago already. But giving it a second thought, I just had to do it. In the end it was the country where I spent the longest time (three months), the country where I found new friends, fellow travelers and locals alike, the country of many adventures and the country with probably the friendliest people I have met. No, not writing this final roundup wouldn’t do this beautiful country and its people justice. A country that has it all and that is probably my favorite country after all.

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•June 29, 2014 • Leave a Comment

Caroline Kennedy: My Travels

Speech Delivered Aboard The QE2

June 1987

By Caroline Kennedy

Leaving the Philippines, in 1984, for what seemed like the final time saddened me. I had spent almost two decades there, on and off, and had assimilated myself so much into its history, its culture and its people that many locals referred to me as their country’s favourite “honorary Filipina”.  The advantages were that I could now, from a distance, take a step back and view those two decades objectively. I had always told myself “one day I would write truthfully about the Marcos era” and now here I was in an unique position to do just that.

I had arrived in Manila almost by accident in 1968 and remained there on and off for the next sixteen years. My first decade there turned out to be, perhaps, the most bizarre in my entire life. During that short…

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